Because I was so in love with Healer, I actually contributed a fic to an international fan project (check out http://www.morumoruisland.blogspot.it) for the first time in my 15 years of K-drama watching!! Incredible. You can be older, but it is not a certainty that you will become less crazy with age.
Because it was a rush to meet the project deadline, and I hadn’t written the ending compendium at that time, this (very) short fic explained what went through Youngshin’s mind when she finally discovered that her cowardly, cute hoobae Park Bong Soo was actually her dream man, Healer, in disguise. I may come back again to add/change the fic, because trying to capture what must be very complicated, heart-breaking feelings isn’t all that easy on the first go.
After writing the Episode 10 scene “Why Not Park Bong Soo?”, I think it is a good time to re-do Episode 13 and expand on some ideas and feelings!
Amazon.de: Healer Ansehen
As she watched the retreating figure of Park Bong Soo (no, not Bong-sookie, but that Person, Healer….) out of the hospital ward, Youngshin could barely hold onto her emotional turmoil as hot tears spilled over. As much as she tried to find excuses that there was no way the stammering, cowardly but handsome Bong-sookie was her mysterious heroic savior Healer-nim, the gaze Bong Soo gave her at the end of their awkward feigning conversation was not from Bong Soo, but someone else. Someone her heart recognized, even if she had never seen his face.
With a heavy heart, Youngshin collected her belongings and left the hospital. Walking aimlessly along the street, she tried to reconcile her turbulent feelings. Why did Bong Soo lie to her? That no-good bastard! After all the things she had told him, things she had never told anyone, not even Appa! Wasn’t he her yes-man hoobae, her stalwart supporter and admirer? Wasn’t Bong Soo dependent on her good graces, her guidance and approval? No…she was the one who depended on Bong Soo, had come to depend on him like she had never depended on anyone else. He brought her comfort, he was her confidante, he made her laugh, he…even made her waver about Healer momentarily….no, more than momentarily – his sincere rooftop confession actually made her reconsider her feelings for Healer during dark, sleepless nights, when she would unwittingly fantasize how a relationship with Bong Soo would turn out. But now, Bong Soo WAS actually Healer.
Was everything a lie then? She got angry. Was it just a game to him? Did he find it funny when she confessed time and again about her feelings for Healer? She wanted to die from embarrassment as she remembered her exuberant confessions during their frequent phone chats. Oh, how he must have wanted to laugh at her for her naivety. Did he enjoy confusing her heart by confessing his love for her as Bong-sookie? What kind of a man was he to play a woman so? How could she be so wrong in her judgement of a person? Of TWO PERSONS?! (Even though both Healer and Bong Soo were technically the same man.)
The Very Cuddly Healer (and Episode 15)
She cringed as she came to terms with her own stupidity. How she had boasted she was good at recognizing faces, that she was a sharp-eyed journalist. She had caught glimpses of Healer in the broken mirror right from the start, she had been held in his embrace, she had held his hands, kissed his lips, and YET!! she couldn’t recognize the one whom she professed to love when he had been by her side, day in and day out, in another guise. Why did she never question that sense of familiarity – they were of the same height, the same built…Why did she never ask how Bong Soo was always around, then running away during dangerous moments before Healer appeared to her rescue? Why couldn’t her brain draw its own logical conclusions? She let out a bitter laugh in the face of her puny intellect.
As Youngshin reached the bottom of her self-abhorrent despair, the image of his penetrative gaze of that magical night on the rooftop came unbidden to her mind, as he promised to live beside her normally, quietly, if only she would accept him. She remembered his countless acts of protection and rescue as Healer, of how deftly Bong Soo shielded her from violence; his unguarded moments of pain, his spontaneous warm hugs, irresistible touches, generous smiles… She remembered her romantic movie date with Healer, a handhold forever imprinted in her memory; she remembered that painfully sweet gentle kiss on the first day of snow, when he risked his life to save hers. Youngshin’s heart hurt so much it was physically impossible to stand.
She crouched down and sobbed. Realization hit her fast and hard. She loved Healer. She LOVED Bong Soo. Healer was her protector, her grand adventure, her romantic lover. Bong Soo was her friend, her emotional crutch, her everyday life. And now they were one man, and whoever his real name was, she knew she loved him. She could not let him go regardless of how angry she was with his lies. Whether he was Park Bong Soo or Healer, his feelings to her were as real as the stone hard pavement she stood on. No matter his backstory, she would wait until he was ready to show her his real face. She would wait. But would he come?
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