We humans Sorry to bother you, but do you say “sorry” too much? What to say instead Mar 11, 2019 / Daniella Balarezo
This post is part of TED’s “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from someone in the TED community. To see all the posts, go here.
Think about all the times you use the word “sorry” in a typical day. There are the necessary “sorry”s — when you bump into someone, when you need to cancel plans with a friend. But what about the unnecessary “sorry”s? The “sorry, this may be an obvious idea” at a meeting, the “sorry to cause trouble” when rescheduling a haircut, the “sorry, there’s a spill in the dairy aisle” at the supermarket.
Sorry To Bother You, But Do You Say “sorry” Too Much? What To Say Instead |
Canadian sociologist Maja Jovanovic believes the “sorry”s we sprinkle through our days hurt us. They make us appear smaller and more timid than we really are, and they can undercut our confidence.
Jovanovic, who teaches at McMaster University and Mohawk College in Hamilton, Ontario, became interested in this topic when she attended a conference four years ago. The four women on a panel were, she says, “experts in their chosen fields. Among them, they had published hundreds of academic articles, dozens of books. All they had to do was introduce themselves. The first woman takes a microphone and she goes, ‘I don’t know what I could possibly add to this discussion’ … The second woman takes the microphone and says, ‘Oh my gosh, I thought they sent the email to the wrong person. I’m just so humbled to be here.’” The third and fourth women did the same thing.
During the 25 panels at that week-long conference, recalls Jovanovic, “not once did I hear a man take that microphone and discount his accomplishments or minimize his experience. Yet every single time a woman took a microphone, an apologetic tone was sure to follow.” She adds, “I found it enraging; I also found it heartbreaking.”
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Jovanovic found the outside world not so different: “Apologies have become our habitual way of communicating, ” she says. Since then, she’s collected needless apologies from her colleagues and students. One stand-out? “My research assistant said ‘Sorry’ to the pizza delivery guy for his being late to her house, ” says Jovanovic. “She said, ‘Oh my gosh, we live in a new subdevelopment. I’m so sorry. Did you have trouble finding this place?’”
We can eliminate the “sorry”s from our sentences — and still be considerate. “The next time you bump into someone, ” Jovanovic says, “you could say, ‘Go ahead, ’ ‘After you’ or ‘Pardon me.’” Similarly, during a meeting, Jovanovic says, “instead of saying, ‘Sorry to interrupt you, ’ why not try ‘How about, ’ ‘I have an idea, ’ ‘I’d like to add’ or ‘Why don’t we try this?’” The idea is to be polite while not minimizing yourself.
The “sorry”s that fill our written interactions also need to be noticed — and banished. For emails, Jovanovic says, “There’s a Google Chrome plug-in called ‘just not sorry’ that will alert you to all the needless apologies.” With texts, she points out, “Every single one of us has responded to a text you got when you weren’t able to respond right away. What did you say? ‘Sorry.’” She says, “Don’t apologize — say, ‘I was working, ’ ‘I was reading, ’ ‘I was driving, ‘I was trying to put on Spanx.’ Whatever it is, it’s all good. You don’t have to apologize.”
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And, in some of the instances when we’d typically throw in a “sorry, ” we could just use the two magic words: “thank you.”
Jovanovic tells of the moment when she realized the effectiveness of gratitude. She says, “Four of us were at a restaurant for a work meeting, and we’re waiting for number five to arrive … I put my sociological cap on, and I thought, ‘What would he say? How many apologies will he give?’ I could barely stand the anticipation. He arrives at the restaurant, and you know what he says? ‘Hey, thanks for waiting.’ … The rest of us said, “Yeah, you’re welcome, ” and we all just opened our menus and ordered. Life went on, and everything was fine.”
Another time when “thank you” can work better than “sorry”? When you’re with a friend and you realize you’ve been doing all the talking. Jovanovic says, “instead of saying, ‘Sorry for complaining’ or ‘Sorry for venting, ’ you could just say, ‘Thank you for listening, ’ ‘Thank you for being there’ or ‘Thank you for being my friend.’”
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Besides removing them from our own communications, we should tell other people when they’re overdoing their “sorry”s, suggests Jovanovic. You can start with your family and friends — and if you’d like, go beyond them. She says, “I have been interrupting these apologies for three years now. I’ll do it everywhere. I’ll do it in the parking lot, I’ll do it to total strangers at the grocery store, in line somewhere. One hundred percent of the time when I interrupt another woman and I say, ‘Why did you just say ‘sorry’ for that?’ she’ll say to me, ‘I don’t know.’”Sometimes, we find ourselves having to repeatedly ask someone many questions, or even having to ask someone the same question over and over again.
After you’ve sent a few emails starting with “sorry for bothering you, ” you might find you want to switch it up a bit.
We’re going to dive deeper into our two favorite formal and informal alternatives to “sorry for bothering you.” Furthermore, we’ll include some examples of how these phrases can fit into your emails.
Professional Ways To Say “sorry To Bother You”
Additionally, this is a phrase that’s often employed in emails and is normally used when you are repeatedly asking someone about the same topic.
However, this phrase isn’t better than the original.It’s just a strong alternative option if you find that you’ve repeated “sorry for bothering you” too many times and feel the need to diversify your language.
Another way to say “sorry for bothering you” is “sorry to bug you.” This is an informal alternative, as “bug” is a more colloquial term for bothering somebody.
I'm Sorry To Bother You…”
Furthermore, “sorry for bothering you” is a more versatile phrase than “sorry to bug you, ” as it’s more professional and you can feel comfortable saying it to people you don’t know very well.
However, “sorry to bug you” is a good option to be aware of for when you want to switch up your phrasing.
Sorry to bug you, but my computer is doing that weird thing again and I can’t figure out how to fix it.
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It’s not considered to be particularly formal or informal, so you can use it when speaking to a wide range of people.
If you’re trying to figure out how to say “sorry for bothering you” in an email but want to use slightly different phrasings, then you could consider the alternatives below:
To conclude, “sorry to bother you” is a grammatically correct phrase that you can use in formal and informal circumstances, depending on the context.) is a phrase many people start their emails with. Although it’s common and courteous, a lot of people seek alternatives because most of the time, writing an email is nothing to be sorry about.
Am I Bothering You?
Rather than opening an email with an apology, you can thank the recipient(s) for their help and time. This way, you won’t inadvertently admit fault or guilt, but instead, show your appreciation.
There are times when you may find yourself emailing someone a lot: whether it be for help, clarification, or any other reason. In this case, if you feel the need to apologize for being incessant, you can say
Because it precedes a tedious and burdensome task or request. If you find yourself in this situation, you can instead ask the recipient(s) when is a good time to thoroughly discuss the task or request.
Use Do Not Disturb With Focus On Your Iphone Or Ipad
Sure, plenty of people expect some formalities in emails. But you’d be surprised how many people also appreciate direct, to-the-point communication that doesn’t waste time. If you’re familiar with the recipient(s) and know they value their time, you can skip the
In your email. Technically, there’s nothing wrong with it, but if you’re looking to switch up your email phrases, you can try any of the options listed above.
Additionally, if you want your emails to be free of spelling and grammar mistakes, make sure to try as your writing assistant. This advanced text editor can correct several types of mistakes, suggest stylistic improvements, and help rephrase sentences to better suit your audience.
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Gina holds a Bachelor of Arts in English. With a passion for creating art with words, she spends her free time reading and writing. And no, we didn’t force her to say that. You can find her strolling the shorelines with her loyal canine companion, Mango, or (painfully) cheering on her favorite team, the Miami Dolphins.
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